I am in Halloween costume HELL! I don’t know if you have been following the drama with me on Facebook or not, but this year’s Halloween costumes are are by FAR the biggest, stupidest, most elaborate fucking things I have EVER undertaken!!!! Every single day I ask myself : “WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING???!!!!”
I am now on my FIFTH attempt at making thse damn costumes, and it’s not looking good. I have tried four other techniques and all of them were utter disasters. I have decided to try and carve the base for our masks our of styrofoam and this fucking Styrofoam has become the BANE of my existence!!!!!!!
I am working with 4 inch thick pieces of styrofoam and I have FOUR pieces of it glued together. I have been hacking away at it with a kitchen knife because the $20 piece of shit Styro Cutter Plus I bought from Michael’s SUCKS ASS!!! I broke down yesterday and bought a Hot Knife from Harbor Freight and I am praying to the Halloween Gods that it does the job. If not, I SWEAR we are going as ghosts!!!!!
~~~One quick note before we get to Thrift Shop Thursday – I have noticed that some of my blog posts have the WRONG video content and I have no idea why. If you go to an older blog post and the video does not match the project, you can always find the correct video on my YouTube Channel. I apologize for any confusion and I will be working on getting it corrected. ~~~
On to happier news – the thrift store has FINALLY put out Halloween decorations and I am sooo excited! I went a little crazy this week and bought several items for my collection of Halloween goodies. Come along with my on my trip to the Thrift Store and see what I got 😀
Come look at the goodies I got from the thrift store this week! Plus I show you the finished project from last Mixed MEdieology Monday and tell you more about the products I used to make my sweater pumpkin.
Stay tuned for the bloopers at the end 😉
Let me just warn you now, this is a very long post. Long, deep and raw.
I know… that sounds like the title of a badly directed porno.
Another side note – I hate the terms follower and fan, but there really are no other words for the people who only know me or ‘like’ me because of my art.
*** July 15, 2013. ***
I have not written a blog post since July 15, 2013. That was almost two months ago and I have not felt the desire to write one single blog post since then. I have felt GUILT, oh I have felt PLENTY of guilt for not writing, but no desire what-so-ever.
You see, I have been in a place of limbo about my art/blog/classes for several months and until now I have kept that fact pretty much to myself. I didn’t want to put myself out there and tell people what was really going on with me for fear of sounding petty and bitter. But you know what, I *am* a little bit bitter. And pissed off. But most of all, hurt. Personally hurt.
After months of putting on a happy face and keeping my hurt feelings to myself, I am finally ready to break my silence and tell you why I have not had one bit of desire to blog or put out any classes or anything new for several months.
After reading this post you may decide that I am petty and ridiculous and that you no longer want to follow me or this blog and before today, that fact would have stressed me the fuck out and had me backspacing as fast as my little fingers would go. But today, I am letting go of all expectations and just putting my feelings out there. Fuck it. If you like me and my art and if you like what I do, you will still be around. However, if this post is enough to make you no longer like what I do, then to be honest. you are not the kind of ‘follower’ I want anyway. No hard feelings. I get it. It’s ok. You’re free to go.
So here’s the deal…
I have been making and selling classes for a coupe of years now. My first several classes were major learning experiences and stepping stones to finding out who I was, what I wanted to teach, what my strengths were and what my personal style was. I have always tried to make classes I thought other people would enjoy and I taught things I thought other people wanted to learn. I wanted people to get to know me and my art and I felt like the only way to do that was to join the crowd. I have since come to realize that that does not work for me. Doing what other people do doesn’t work for me. It never has. I have to do EVERYTHING my own way, learn what works for me and from now on, that will include any classes that I offer and any artwork that I sell.
I *know* my shit and I am a very good teacher, but for some reason I kept trying to fit into a niche that wasn’t really me and expecting to succeed. Every class I put out was a complete and utter failure, but I put on my happy face and tried again. I knew it was going to take alot of work and I knew it was going to be a slow process, so I kept trying to build my ‘name’ and build my tribe.
I kept putting myself out there, competing with well established artists and never getting any further ahead. I created ten different classes and I tried several different formats, trying desperately to fit into a mold and make my presence known. I was waving my hands, jumping up and down and shouting “LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME!!!” and still…. nothing. I felt like one of those little wind up monkeys dancing on a street corner begging for tips, but in my case the tips were students and my street corner was the online art community. I was wracking my brain, forcing myself to try again to find that ‘magic formula’ that would make people want to take my classes and still…… nothing.
I have always given tons of content and I have always priced my classes extremely (EXTREMELY) low compared to other online artists teaching similar classes, but no matter what I did, my classes did not get the response I had hoped for. Looking back, I realize that I never put enough value on my work or myself. In the back of my mind a nasty voice kept saying “Why would anyone take a class from YOU when they could take a class from this person who is ‘better’ and much more popular???”
I never truly believed in myself and I think that held me back more than anything.
So, I finally got up the nerve to TRULY put myself out there for the first time. I had grand plans to sell off all of my old artwork and make room for the new. I wanted to release all of the negative thoughts, let go of the old way of thinking and doing things and just start fresh. I set up an online auction to sell EVERYTHING I had created since I began making art and I planned to use the money to create a shiny new website for hosting brand new (true to me) classes, free content, my blog and more. I promoted that auction more than I have ever promoted anything I have EVER done. I made videos, I wrote blog posts. I invited friends. I made Facebook events. I Pinned it, shared it and even did a contest for OTHER people who promoted it! People knew. LOTS of people knew.
So the day of the auction arrives and the first of three online auctions begins and there were only two people in the room. I didn’t know either of them and they both left before the auction was over. Nothing sold and no one else showed up. I was let down, but I knew I still had two more auctions to host that day and I figured that most people were waiting for the later auctions anyway.
Sooo the second auction of the day rolls around and EVERYTHING in that auction was only $5.00. There were three people in the room and one of them was my best friend. Two items sold and my best friend bought one of them. Now I KNOW that art is subjective and I *KNEW* that not everything was going to sell. I had prepared myself for that! In my mind, I had guestimated a dollar amount I thought I would reach, but I was hoping to do much better than I anticipated.
So it was time for the final auction of the night. That was the auction I thought would do the best. I put my very best pieces in that auction thinking that it would be the one with the most people. I even rearranged some of the items for sale to include the best things from earlier in the day that didn’t sell. The auction began and the room was completely empty. I don’t mean there were only a couple of people in there. I mean it was completely fucking empty.
My heart sunk. I felt like such a fool! Not only had the first two auctions of the day been a complete disaster, but this one, the one that was supposed to do the best, was an UTTER FAILURE. No one even showed up!!!! No one was even there for moral support!!!! It’s not like people came and just didn’t buy anything, THAT I could have understood! Noooooo, no. They didn’t even bother to show up!
Where were all of the people who told me they would be there????? Where were all of the people who told me they wanted to buy so and so????? Where were all of the people who just wanted to see what I had for sale? Where were all of the people who said they would love to own something I made and who would love to take a class from me???? Where were all of the people who know me and could have just been there to fill the fucking room???????
Here was their chance to make all of those things a reality, and NONE of them even showed up.
In the past, I had always HOPED my classes would do well, but I never EXPECTED it. I wanted them to do well, but feared they would fail. However, this was the first time I had ever really made myself completely vulnerable because I TRULY believed this auction WAS going to do well. I truly believed people wanted to support me in my art and in my career. Apparently, I was wrong.
I broke into uncontrollable sobs and I cried, inconsolably, for three hours straight. A part of me had died. My dream had died. My passion had died.
I went into a depression that lasted for *days* and I didn’t step foot into my studio for almost a month. I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
I was personally hurt and offended and to be honest, I still am.
I feel like people don’t want to BUY from me, they only want to see my free content. They don’t want to take my paid classes or buy my art pieces, they only want to watch my free videos and get my free tutorials. My youtube channel is the ONLY thing that is seeing ANY growth what-so-ever and that has really just started happening since I started doing the Thrift Shop Thursday and Mixed MEdieology Monday series. I love doing that series, and it will always be free, but I don’t want that to be ALL people want from me.
I *want* to teach classes, but I don’t want to continue to put massive amounts of personal energy into something I feel is not filling my well in return.
I have a *list* of new class ideas, but I really don’t want to put myself out there, yet again, only to fail. I refuse to devalue myself anymore in hopes that people will take my classes just because they are cheap!
I know how harsh this sounds. TRUST ME! I have been backspacing these words for MONTHS now because I know EXACTLY how harsh this sounds, but I can’t worry about that anymore. I have been holding on to this hurt and this self doubt and this bitterness for far too long and frankly, it’s getting really fucking old.
I am an excellent teacher and I think I am a damn good artist. All of my classes are full of content and instruction and I actually TEACH you what to do, I don’t just show you what I am doing. I give options and multiple ideas for each technique or project and don’t keep the best stuff to myself.
This may sound cocky or conceited, but it’s the truth. It has taken me a very long time to realize this for myself and I NEVER thought I would say it publicly, but I am a damn good artist and it has taken me far too long to realize and believe it.
So there you have it. This is me. Horns and all. Now you know why I have not been adding content on a regular basis and why I have not added a new blog post since July 15. Now you know why I have had no desire to create any new classes and why I took such a long hiatus in the beginning of the summer. Now you know why my blog has still not changed, even though I bought a new domain months ago.
I bet you are wondering why I have finally broken my silence and where I got the balls to post such raw truth on my blog. Well, to be honest, this all came about because of the last few paragraphs in Suzi Blu’s latest blog post. In this post she is talking about following your dreams and living your passion.
In the final paragraphs, Suzi says the following…
“In the past I have taken on too many other people projects, wanting to please and be friends with everyone, and I neglected my dreams for theirs. You might have done this too.
If you want your Live Your True Passion, you must first know what it is, then say no to everything that is not. If you don’t know what your Passion is, go look on your pinterest board. (I know you have one.) Write down your boards and pins and what you like. Imagine yourself living these lives.”
I clearly have not been living my passion, but I am about to start. No more doing what I think other people will like. No more devaluing myself, my skills, my knowledge or my ability. No more trying to fit into a mold or a clique’ or a theme. If people like what I do and want to learn from me, they will. No more begging. No more hoping. No more settling. From now on, I will be true to myself and that is all I can do.
I would love for you to stick around for the journey, but I will completely understand if you choose to turn and walk away.
In all of my classes, live shows and videos I have always been me and I have always been real, but I have also held back for fear of …
~ offending people
~ turning people off
~ standing out
~ sounding like a bitch
~ people not liking me
~ causing controversy
But not anymore. I have been gradually letting more of my whole personality show in the Thrift Shop Thursday videos and I am finally to the point where what you see is what you get.
~ I cuss. ALOT.
~ I can be rude and sarcastic.
~ I laugh alot, often at myself.
~ I have a touch of self diagnosed ADD
~ I am honest.
~ I am trustworthy.
~ I mess up… alot
~ I have a dirty mind.
~ I have a great personality
~ I am a very good friend
~ I love Halloween and creepy things
~ I can alter anything!
~ I am a damn good artist
~ I am a damn good teacher
~ I know my shit
Thanks to those few words on Suzi’s blog, I finally decided that I do still want to teach classes and I have decided what my first new class will be. I do love doing the Thrift Shop Thursday and Mixed MEdieology Monday series, so I will continue those. I do like posting on my blog and I love doing live shows, so I will continue with those, but I will only be creating things that I love. I will only be doing projects that bring me joy. No matter if it is free or paid, I will only create things that bring me joy. If people want to join me, I will welcome them with open arms. If people choose to scroll on by, they just miss out on all of the goodness I have to offer. That is how I live my life and that is how need to start living my career.
To those of you who will be continuing on with me, I would love to hear what you think of this post and I would really like to know what you want to learn from me.
For those of you who have negative comments, keep them to yourself. I really don’t care. I don’t expect everyone to understand or agree with my feelings here, but I don’t want negativity, bullshit or drama because of it either.
This week’s Thrift Shop Thursday is already in the can, but since I am posting this today, I will post it tomorrow. I will be blogging T S T and Mixed MEdieology Monday regularly each week, so look for that to start back up again this week.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and for subscribing to my blog and my youtube channel. It is because of you that I have kept going this long and you are the reason I keep making free videos and tutorials. I appreciate you more than you know.
Ahhhhhhh, the lazy days of summer. I am not even kidding when I tell you the only reason I got out of my recliner yesterday was to go pee or make food. Those kinds of days are a rarity for me, so I took full advantage and sat on my happy ass ALL DAY LONG. I finally decided to uproot myself around 9pm and I headed into the studio to work on this weeks project.
In the vein of being lazy, this project was all about keeping it simple! I used a limited pallet as well as limited supplies. I only used what I had within arm’s reach (which in MY studio is literally EVERYTHING, but for the sake of this post, lets just pretend I have more space M’kay?) which was acrylic paint, ink and prismacolor art sticks.
I gessoed the record, painted the vinyl area with the acrylic paint and inks and then I drew and shaded my girls face with the art sticks. I used a small pieces of a book page for her dress and finished the piece off with an oil pastel and some Twinkling H2o’s.
I think she is super cute and I love the peaceful expression on her face. This piece is now available for sale, so email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if interested.
We are going out of town next week, so I am setting myself a challenge for Thrift Shop Thursday and Mixed MEdieology Monday – Find something that I can alter ‘on the road’ and use limited supplies to create the entire piece! Tune in next week to see what I find and how it turns out 😀
It was slim pickin’s at the thrift store this week!
I searched for over an hour before finally choosing an item. My camcorder died before I found my item of the week, * totally NOT because it was plugged into the camera but not the WALL* so you don’t see me actually FIND the item, but you can watch the rest of the shopping trip below. Plus I also show you a few of the other things I have picked up at yard sales and Michael’s recently.
Stay until the end for a cute outtake 😉
OK, so, you know how much I love Pinterest, right?
I am always inspired by things I see on there and am getting more and more addicted every day. I have started following more boards and more people and I am seeing sooooo many brilliant ideas!
One of those ideas was a change purse I saw several months ago and I have been searching for a change purse of my own to alter every since. The original photo was of a vintage coin purse and when you opened it up, it had this full set of top and bottom teeth hiding inside and it looked AWESOME!!!! The moment I saw it, I knew I wanted to make one of my own.
Every time I went to any thrift store or yard sale, I was on the look out for a change purse with just the right shape for the mouth. I finally found one on the last episode of Thrift Shop Thursday and I was sooooo excited! I had this vision of a creepy maw hidden in the depths of an unassuming coin purse and I had every intention of using it to really carry my money in. I just KNEW it would be awesome and that it would spark endless conversations! What I ended up with was something QUITE different.
You can view the full video tutorial below.
While this is still totally cute, it is soooooo not what I had envisioned. I wanted creepy, dripping, vicious, scary-ass-clown-from-IT-teeth…….. instead, I ended up with chunky, funny, Cousin-Eddie-from-the-backwoods-Bucky-Bunny-teeth. And let me tell you why……..
*Normally* when I start a project, I lose myself in it. I can spend hours or even DAYS on one project and I make sure every little detail is perfect before moving on. (Have I ever told you that I am a perfectionist who is still trying to be ok with her inner messy?????) However, I currently do not have the time I need to devote to any project that I want spectacular results from. My mother in law is visiting for a month, Christopher is out of school, it was 4th of July week AND my husband had the whole week off work.
So anyway, I went into my studio with these grand plans for making these freakishly fabulous teeth and sticking them into this sweet, innocent little change purse. As soon as I started shaping the clay it began…
“Ma, where’s this?”
“Babe, blah, blah. blah”
“Ma, can I do so-and-so?”
“Babe, we need blankity blank”
“Edie, can you help me with this thing here?”
You get the picture.
Needless to say, within an hour, I just wanted to get these damn teeth made and stuck into the damn purse. I won’t even go into the details of how the top and bottom jaw would not fit together properly no matter what I did or how the bottom jaw broke completely the fuck in half! I mean seriously, how is it that all of our teeth can fit in our mouth and it still closes?????
So what would have normally taken me several hours to complete, still took me several hours to complete, but I wasn’t actually working on the project for all of those hours.
And there you have it. I have already decided that I am going to pull these teeth back out and redo the ENTIRE thing….. in SEPTEMBER ….. when SCHOOL is back in session and my house is empty during the day!!!!
I will be back on Thursday with a brand new episode of Thrift Shop Thursday! Please like, subscribe and share!!!!
After a brief hiatus Thrift Shop Thursday is BACK! Come take a stroll through the thrift store with me and see what I discover.
On this week’s video I show you the project I made for the Hops, Swaps and Do-Wops “Head Games” challenge, plus I show you the treasure I found at the thrift store.
You can join the Hops, Swaps and Do-Wops FB group HERE.
See you on Monday!